EL.OH.VEE.EEEEK!!

love was in the air but to most of us, it was an unnecessary remind of how boringly ordinary we were.

single. loveless.

we're so convinced being this ordinary was okay. probably, better. "who needs love!" - we blurted out with a wholehearted conviction, not caring as our throat bled with disagreement.

denial. cheap thrill to a wonderful feeling.

amongst us ordinaries, love was silently made taboo. we drew the lines to converse about love only in forms of opinion and ideas, only to end up in a debacle. we were emotionally lacked, thus we strive on logic and reasoning. it was the only way we knew how to gain even the slightest 'extra' to our ordinary being.

here's the funny thing, until every ''love is in the air'', we were perfectly normal human beings - then we're miserable fcks whose thoughts dawned upon blaming karma, voodoo, kumbaya-my-friend, glalaleletsktsk-ololo or even God for being specifically aimed by darts of unfairness.

after that, some people (like me) thought writing would be the least, liberating. though, it suddenly dawned on me, wanking was a better idea where liberation was concerned.

i could be wanking AND writing right now - not that anyone would know. BUT rest assured, no Jill action happening at this moment.

anyway, the fact that we're still messed up, and the things we do or dont do, the things we say or not say, the unspeakable taboo of the loveless singles, will remain as universe intended.

however, you and i, we're fcked up together - thats always a good thing to know.

i seriously think this entry is utterly stupid. like seriously. but i really dont care. its whatever. so im like whatever. whatever.

To the couple throwing love oh-so-freely into the air last night. im sincerely happy for you to have found each other. im beaming with envy-frm-hell but thats only natural to wanting what makes you both extraordinary. love love.

MMEH.

here's an excuse for the hiatus - i've been lazy. plus, emo has becoming less of an inspiration. so ... MMEH.

your thoughts - 'my attempt to write AGAIN will only lead to another level of plateau. MAJOR FAIL blogger.' - my thoughts exactly too. so ... MMEH.

so ...

here's to taking baby steps. LOL.

EMO Type Negative

I DONT DO SATURDAY NIGHTS OUT!

i’ve dedicated my saturdays being wholly succumbed to emo. allowing just one night to fully express my emo self . an emo sabbath – not so much in the context of resting, but rather a time for release. a manic unleash of emotions.

i don’t make self mutilation or any form of bodily harm a reverence. in fact, i defy the general disposition of emo. emo, a genre. *PTUIH!* i object the parochial mentality of it being JUST a category. emo, a lifestyle. *PTUIH!* i object the liberty of it being JUST a choice to live an alternative. emo, a look. *PTUIH!* i object the idea of it being JUST an excuse to play dress ups. i object emo as an idea. i object the lives of those who subject themselves to an absurd notion of being label as such just to feel like they belong. they should be stabbed on the cerebellum. society’s a bitch. YOU'RE EMO CAUSE YOU DONT BELONG!

pretend you’re intellectually challenged. emo, derived from emotional. emotional, the act of exhibiting an emotion or emotions. emotion, a feeling – scoping the positive and the negative. thus, WHY THE FUCK ARE WE DEPRIVING EMO OF ITS POSITIVITY!? i blame those pessimistic motherfuckers who thought emo should be manifested in the form of manufactured ideas. they should be stabbed endlessly. emo shouldn’t be stripped of its spontaneous ability. how we feel is not given the liberty of choice.

why i have the need to explain, i don’t know. wait, i’m emo - THAT'S WHY!

i swear to the emo Gods that last night would and should be a one off thing. with my emo-negative state reigning supreme, i knew i couldn’t, i shouldn’t be around people im not comfortable with. but it had to happen.

* this is not an attempt to bitch slap anyone cause as hypocritical as this may sound, there’s really nobody to blame – not even myself. I blame the moon for orbiting and the stars for not shining brightly enough.*

i didn’t know emo-negative could be this unhealthy – feeding the mind with morbid thoughts leaving very little space for colorful happy thoughts like talking unicorns sliding down a rainbow. all that was running through my head were plots of mass stabbing. i couldn’t stand the retarded smiles and the moronic laughter on the peculiar faces around me. i couldn’t stand the fact that they were happy – even if it was just a façade and I know façades. i couldn’t stand the fact that there were people, a lot of people. don’t even get me started on the ridiculous amount of cars and the limited parks. i wanna stab those cars.

*im chain smoking in my undies.

i couldn’t stand the sight of 2 ugly skanky whores parading their unwashed pussies. they should be stabbed. no wait, no. they should be burned. i don’t want to go through the trouble washing their skankiness stain off my stabbing instrument – this i have yet to decide; probably something really sharp and can cause excruciating pain. see, that’s exactly the kind of thoughts im plotting. i find myself quietly fidgeting to such morbidness. i fear it’s a thought id unconsciously act upon.

---

3 people made it to my stabbing list after last night. 2 of them were the skanky whores on the podium.

i didn’t buy myself a pack of ciggies cause i could only afford ERA. Sorry Jill.

Xavy was a blessing. she made the phrase “Shahdap lah” a very cool thing to say.

the porn I left to download while I was out, stopped at 99% and it mockingly said ERROR. ERROR!?! ERROR!?! what the fuck am i gonna wank to now!? =.=' mmmeh, ill just replay the image of the 2 skanks dry humping each other on the podium - keeps the boner away.

i dont eat on the day of emo sabbath. really. i dont.

---

I DONT REALLY CARE : if anybody took an offense to whatever ive said ITS LIKE WHATEVER. IM LIKE WHATEVER. WHATEVER.

4.2.8

four two eight. this may be the end of the hiatus.


four two eight, its a tranny mess. sucked into a conspiracy of love and happiness, then spat out a trust robbed, a faith ripped and a hope killed. rage came bitterness, bitterness came grudge, grudge came hollowness, hollowness came verity. i learned not to give a shit.


four two eight. its a cat fight. caught in deception under the flag of friendship. day by day, one by one, friends became familiar faces, familiar faces became strangers, strangers became inexistence. deluded by made ammends, more pretensed followed through. sluts. whores. trash. lowlifes. their liberty for self riddance is a blessing.


four two eight. its a touch up. good riddances awaits better additions. sobriety to absolute fuck-faced. peculiarity. eccentricity. individuality conformed, new bonds made, old distances narrowed. strangers turned acquaintances, acquaintances turned family.


four two eight. its a second showing. dejavu. a haunting past, rather. the same sickening, ear stabbing cycle of goss - about me. blah! yawn. bitch should just shut the fuck up! stab yourself and die!.


four two eight. its a new meat. unto them a child was born. precious little one. a wonder, a sign, of God's veracity. infinite happiness manifested. hope restored.


four two eight. the end. a fraction of 428 days.

...

I DONT REALLY CARE : that im balding. ITS LIKE WHATEVER. IM LIKE WHATEVER. WHATEVER.