Jealous

i'll be lying if i say im all happy for my friends when they have someone they can share their life with. i live with a slight jealousy for not having what they have.

honestly, have you ever seen me with someone ever since you know me?

for most of you that's a no. no, for ALL of you that's a no. i think for that reason, (sometimes) i feel like i am the temporary rebound guy when things doesn't work out for my friends, because they know (and i know) my only commited relationship all along is with them.

i feel like i'm a dump site for other people's emotional baggages.

i just wonder what it'd be like if i'm in a relationship. would things be different? would i be the last few people would turn to on a heartbreak dillema instead of first? would it make me feel different? would it make things better, for me?

i guess i will never know till it happens. but as for this moment, i'm happy for them and for me despite this stupid little struggle. i'm slightly jealous because i'm just human.